He's worse at staying dead than Kenny, Rory, Jason, and Captain Jack (either one). Combined!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to find a suitable way to celebrate. Fireworks are legal here~!
Heheheh, did they really think it'd be that easy? You can't keep him down~!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Roller Coasters
Bad day yesterday. Started awful, became awesome, got far worse.
First Stripes came after us. You know how that went.
Then Nein talked to Vadiir via email. I later learned that she wanted him to talk her out of joining the Commune, but that's for later. He decided to use Mist travel to pick us both up and drop us off in America. We told him about the whole apocalypse thing. My stalker memory was pretty useful in that.
So, that had turned a terrible day pretty good. For a while.
WhiteSuit told Jenifer that if she joined the Commune, he'd stop chasing me. She accepted his offer. They left last night. I feel absolutely devastatingly guilty about that. Especially since I had been considering giving him a similar offer for a while now, her freedom for me. And it didn't even really make a difference. I'm still Chosen, I just will end up getting chased by some other Commune. Or Abandoned, which I'm hoping for. "Yes, you'll get to share your fate with KarmA and your lover." WS's such a shipper. And a terrible person. I didn't think I could feel much worse. Shouldn't have jinxed it.
Vadiir's dead. CrimsonBranch slit his throat in his sleep. He had been weakened because of Mist travel. I honestly don't know how I can feel all this guilt at one time and not drown or something. But yeah, I was on the chat at the time. CB was mocking me so much. Talking about blood and licking goddamned everything and he wore Vadiir's mask and he...presumably did some rather unsavory things to it...and he burned it. The motherfucker burned Vadiir's mask. And kept his knife. Rage. Fury. Anger. You have no idea. I managed to keep myself outwardly pretty composed aside from a few outbursts at the beginning before my rage turned to fury, and my fury is cold. Therefore, I was able to keep my composure quite easily. He wouldn't have wanted me getting all emotional and doing something stupid and/or self-destructive, anyway.
I feel worse right now than I ever have. Never has giving up the fight looked like such a wonderful option. But. I can't do that. That would be pretty much the opposite of what Vadiir would want me to do. He would want me to keep running. To keep living. And I'm going to respect his memory. Not to mention, he's worse at staying dead than Jason Voorhees. So what happens if he comes back to find out I've an heroed/joined the enemy? Also, if I join them, I can't be friends with Alexis and KarmA anymore! It isn't like I'm friends with any of the Chosen anymore! Well, not counting Nein.
To Vadiir and to Nein, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I could repeat the phrase until time stops and it wouldn't be close to how I actually feel. I just...I'm sorry.
Just...fuck. No contact from my grandfather yet, either. I'm all alone in a world that's after me. And I'm not giving in. I never thought I could have this much resolve, this much strength. I always thought I was a total coward who would resort to pleading when running failed. Heh. I guess I've toughened up somewhere along the line.
So here it is. I will not die. I will not join any Communes. I will keep running and I will keep on living. I will bite back on my anger until it is time to let it out. I will not let my fear show. I will honor those lost and keep up the fight. For Vadiir. For Nein. For my grandfather, wherever he is at the moment. But mostly, for me.
...
I love you, Vadiir.
Stop being dead before your time or I'll make you regret it.
First Stripes came after us. You know how that went.
Then Nein talked to Vadiir via email. I later learned that she wanted him to talk her out of joining the Commune, but that's for later. He decided to use Mist travel to pick us both up and drop us off in America. We told him about the whole apocalypse thing. My stalker memory was pretty useful in that.
So, that had turned a terrible day pretty good. For a while.
WhiteSuit told Jenifer that if she joined the Commune, he'd stop chasing me. She accepted his offer. They left last night. I feel absolutely devastatingly guilty about that. Especially since I had been considering giving him a similar offer for a while now, her freedom for me. And it didn't even really make a difference. I'm still Chosen, I just will end up getting chased by some other Commune. Or Abandoned, which I'm hoping for. "Yes, you'll get to share your fate with KarmA and your lover." WS's such a shipper. And a terrible person. I didn't think I could feel much worse. Shouldn't have jinxed it.
Vadiir's dead. CrimsonBranch slit his throat in his sleep. He had been weakened because of Mist travel. I honestly don't know how I can feel all this guilt at one time and not drown or something. But yeah, I was on the chat at the time. CB was mocking me so much. Talking about blood and licking goddamned everything and he wore Vadiir's mask and he...presumably did some rather unsavory things to it...and he burned it. The motherfucker burned Vadiir's mask. And kept his knife. Rage. Fury. Anger. You have no idea. I managed to keep myself outwardly pretty composed aside from a few outbursts at the beginning before my rage turned to fury, and my fury is cold. Therefore, I was able to keep my composure quite easily. He wouldn't have wanted me getting all emotional and doing something stupid and/or self-destructive, anyway.
I feel worse right now than I ever have. Never has giving up the fight looked like such a wonderful option. But. I can't do that. That would be pretty much the opposite of what Vadiir would want me to do. He would want me to keep running. To keep living. And I'm going to respect his memory. Not to mention, he's worse at staying dead than Jason Voorhees. So what happens if he comes back to find out I've an heroed/joined the enemy? Also, if I join them, I can't be friends with Alexis and KarmA anymore! It isn't like I'm friends with any of the Chosen anymore! Well, not counting Nein.
To Vadiir and to Nein, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I could repeat the phrase until time stops and it wouldn't be close to how I actually feel. I just...I'm sorry.
Just...fuck. No contact from my grandfather yet, either. I'm all alone in a world that's after me. And I'm not giving in. I never thought I could have this much resolve, this much strength. I always thought I was a total coward who would resort to pleading when running failed. Heh. I guess I've toughened up somewhere along the line.
So here it is. I will not die. I will not join any Communes. I will keep running and I will keep on living. I will bite back on my anger until it is time to let it out. I will not let my fear show. I will honor those lost and keep up the fight. For Vadiir. For Nein. For my grandfather, wherever he is at the moment. But mostly, for me.
...
I love you, Vadiir.
Stop being dead before your time or I'll make you regret it.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Close Encounters
So, right. I tweeted it, but in case you don't follow me (@DoctorSaxon, in case you didn't know), the Iowa Commune's Session was yesterday. Or was it today? I'm losing track. But anyway. Since it was a holiday, they decided to try and take us in.
Except no. "They" isn't the proper word. More like "he". Yep, WhiteSuit himself decided to show up, and he brought his Relicblade and his Demented Horror Mask and his damned red eyes.
Yeah, let's not talk about that.
He showed up a little after midnight. There was a struggle. Some parts are blurry, some I'd rather not remember, some I can't really believe could happen but have stuck in my memory. Like, I can swear I saw Jenifer holding a Ring Pop and staring at it dumbfounded. Pretty dumb, huh? But I digress. So basically, Grandpa went at him with Theurgy when he showed up. And...it was a pretty epic fight, I think. My memory of it, like I said, is a bit hazy. But my grandpa can move like a fucking ninja. Seriously. If WhiteSuit had been slightly less, y'know, monstrously strong, he wouldn't have had a chance. As it is, however...it was kinda like fighting a dragon that happens to use the sword that could kill it (and everything else). Not easy.
I've no idea how long it lasted. Probably only a few minutes, but it felt like hours. But there was fire and blades and gunshots (most fired by me into the air, I don't trust my aim with guns) and blood and a blinding flash and a loud boom and I went flying off the side of the mountain. I thought I saw another person or two, but that's purely guesswork as I was immediately in the trees and unable to see out of them. I slammed into pretty much everything on my descent, which was only stopped by a freaking river that I had to hop out of asap because the water starts hurting after a while. I don't think it's as bad as the other Chosen since I don't think my Sickness is too advanced and I haven't been Session'd, but it's enough and I'd rather not be Mist, thanks. (Vadiir told me all about the Chosen and water since we're totally bros now.) I dragged myself out and started running as best as I could with my injuries. I ran until I passed out.
I woke on the roadside and have been walking (more like limping) along it, occasionally hitchhiking, trying to find somewhere to lay low (check) and trying to find my companions. Nein tweeted earlier, so I think she's alright, but she never got back to me...and I've no idea about my grandpa...so I'm kinda stuck here until I get a lead. If you've got any ideas to offer, now would be the time.
By the way, I'm not in France anymore. Just thought I'd let you know.
Except no. "They" isn't the proper word. More like "he". Yep, WhiteSuit himself decided to show up, and he brought his Relicblade and his Demented Horror Mask and his damned red eyes.
Yeah, let's not talk about that.
He showed up a little after midnight. There was a struggle. Some parts are blurry, some I'd rather not remember, some I can't really believe could happen but have stuck in my memory. Like, I can swear I saw Jenifer holding a Ring Pop and staring at it dumbfounded. Pretty dumb, huh? But I digress. So basically, Grandpa went at him with Theurgy when he showed up. And...it was a pretty epic fight, I think. My memory of it, like I said, is a bit hazy. But my grandpa can move like a fucking ninja. Seriously. If WhiteSuit had been slightly less, y'know, monstrously strong, he wouldn't have had a chance. As it is, however...it was kinda like fighting a dragon that happens to use the sword that could kill it (and everything else). Not easy.
I've no idea how long it lasted. Probably only a few minutes, but it felt like hours. But there was fire and blades and gunshots (most fired by me into the air, I don't trust my aim with guns) and blood and a blinding flash and a loud boom and I went flying off the side of the mountain. I thought I saw another person or two, but that's purely guesswork as I was immediately in the trees and unable to see out of them. I slammed into pretty much everything on my descent, which was only stopped by a freaking river that I had to hop out of asap because the water starts hurting after a while. I don't think it's as bad as the other Chosen since I don't think my Sickness is too advanced and I haven't been Session'd, but it's enough and I'd rather not be Mist, thanks. (Vadiir told me all about the Chosen and water since we're totally bros now.) I dragged myself out and started running as best as I could with my injuries. I ran until I passed out.
I woke on the roadside and have been walking (more like limping) along it, occasionally hitchhiking, trying to find somewhere to lay low (check) and trying to find my companions. Nein tweeted earlier, so I think she's alright, but she never got back to me...and I've no idea about my grandpa...so I'm kinda stuck here until I get a lead. If you've got any ideas to offer, now would be the time.
By the way, I'm not in France anymore. Just thought I'd let you know.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Sorry
I haven't posted anything here in a really long time and I've been kinda skimpy on Twitter updates. I figured I should let you guys know what's up.
First, I'm allied with Vadiir.
Let that sink in for a second.
No joke. I apologized to him, sincerely, for everything I'd done. I figured he'd just tell me it didn't matter how I felt or that it was far too late or something. The last thing I was expecting was for him to accept it and stop chasing me. He even checked in on me through Twitter. Told me not to die before my time. "Or I'll make you regret it." That's probably the nicest thing he's ever said to me. I had a dopey grin for a long time after that, and I haven't been doing much grinning lately.
This leads me to my next update. We know how to make Theurgic Bombs now. Y'know, like the ones that royally fucked up Cardiff in the best possibly way. Vadiir gave me instructions over Twitter and Alexis confirmed it. Meaning we can create Theurgic Voids and un-Choose ourselves if we want. We currently lack some of the materials, however. In the meantime, we're working on plans of what to do when we have them.
Oh, also, we're in France. Why France, you ask? Why not? Really, we're just kind of roaming the earth. I've always wanted to visit the Bastille, too. I love it. Always have. It's a symbol of resistance, and that's exactly what I'm doing right now. Resisting. Besides, I was born on Bastille Day! July 14th! It's perfect, no?
Hey, that's coming up pretty quick here, isn't it?
Celebrating my birthday on the run. Oh joy.
First, I'm allied with Vadiir.
Let that sink in for a second.
No joke. I apologized to him, sincerely, for everything I'd done. I figured he'd just tell me it didn't matter how I felt or that it was far too late or something. The last thing I was expecting was for him to accept it and stop chasing me. He even checked in on me through Twitter. Told me not to die before my time. "Or I'll make you regret it." That's probably the nicest thing he's ever said to me. I had a dopey grin for a long time after that, and I haven't been doing much grinning lately.
This leads me to my next update. We know how to make Theurgic Bombs now. Y'know, like the ones that royally fucked up Cardiff in the best possibly way. Vadiir gave me instructions over Twitter and Alexis confirmed it. Meaning we can create Theurgic Voids and un-Choose ourselves if we want. We currently lack some of the materials, however. In the meantime, we're working on plans of what to do when we have them.
Oh, also, we're in France. Why France, you ask? Why not? Really, we're just kind of roaming the earth. I've always wanted to visit the Bastille, too. I love it. Always have. It's a symbol of resistance, and that's exactly what I'm doing right now. Resisting. Besides, I was born on Bastille Day! July 14th! It's perfect, no?
Hey, that's coming up pretty quick here, isn't it?
Celebrating my birthday on the run. Oh joy.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Quick Update
So I figured I'd check in and let you guys know I'm still alive for the moment.
We finally managed to pick up Nein and we're all traveling together now.
We're like a hilariously dysfunctional little family. Grandpa hasn't hit her with the shillelagh yet, but that's because of my careful warnings to her. He's gotten /very/ close to it, though.
We spent yesterday at Six Flags. Shit was so cash. All of us snuck in. So, free admission! And we went all all the fastest and scariest rides. Grandpa said they were tame and in his day they didn't have fancy roller coasters and blah blah blah old people stuff. Except he said it with a grin on his face that said "I'm annoying the hell out of you two and you won't say anything about it because you don't want to hurt my feelings or get hit with a shillelagh". You'd be amazed by how much of his old Catholic Irishman act is fake.
So anyway. Good day, not dead, not proxified. Still running, still miserable, Sick, and in constant terror, but it's getting a little better. It isn't good, not by a long shot, but it's...less awful. Maybe one day it'll even be bearable. I doubt if it'll ever be okay, but it's...better.
We finally managed to pick up Nein and we're all traveling together now.
We're like a hilariously dysfunctional little family. Grandpa hasn't hit her with the shillelagh yet, but that's because of my careful warnings to her. He's gotten /very/ close to it, though.
We spent yesterday at Six Flags. Shit was so cash. All of us snuck in. So, free admission! And we went all all the fastest and scariest rides. Grandpa said they were tame and in his day they didn't have fancy roller coasters and blah blah blah old people stuff. Except he said it with a grin on his face that said "I'm annoying the hell out of you two and you won't say anything about it because you don't want to hurt my feelings or get hit with a shillelagh". You'd be amazed by how much of his old Catholic Irishman act is fake.
So anyway. Good day, not dead, not proxified. Still running, still miserable, Sick, and in constant terror, but it's getting a little better. It isn't good, not by a long shot, but it's...less awful. Maybe one day it'll even be bearable. I doubt if it'll ever be okay, but it's...better.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Down With the Sickness and Chaotic Neutrality
It rained today. Well, that's charitable. More like it sprinkled off and on. Summer rains and whatnot.
So, being the defiant little wannabe Time Lord I am, I went out and sat around in the rain whenever it started up. I've always liked rain, it's so mesmerizing. I've just never been particularly fond of getting soaked in my clothes. Jeans and sneakers don't exactly dry well, and that's what I'm almost invariably wearing.
So I sat out there in the rain, and I'm sure I was quite a magnificent sight. A small-statured sixteen year old girl with bags under her eyes and paranoia and despair in them, in a TARDIS t-shirt and soaked to the bone sitting cross-legged on the ground or pacing about, glancing around nervously wherever she was. I probably looked like a newly stray, lost little dog - which is more or less what I am now, I guess.
It was nice. The rain, its monotonous rhythm and the cool drops on a hot day made me feel better than I have in a while, very calming. After a while though, the raindrops started to sting. It wasn't because it had started raining harder, no, it was still barely sprinkling. It was the water itself hurting me. It wasn't bad, only barely noticeable, but it means that my Sickness is getting worse. And this doesn't really bode well, given my current strategy of not getting slaughtered by Vadiir involves a lot of water. Given my condition, Grandpa can't teach me any major Theurgy, and I have yet to really figure out how to use any of his Relics to my advantage. He hasn't told me what half of them are, in any case, let alone what they do. Or which of the things in that chest are even Relics; there's a bunch of conventional weapons in there too. Knives, guns, explosives...leftovers from the Troubles, indeed.
I noticed something else, too. I don't even have a shred of neutrality left. I publicly sided with the Circle that one time, but that was just so they wouldn't break off contact. I was never on their side, I realize that now. I was always on Mark and his father's side. Moral code at work. But I had friends in that Commune...well, that's probably a charitable term. I like to think we were friends, though...but it doesn't matter anymore, does it? In any case, I tried to be neutral. In fact as well as position. I really did. I sat on a fence for so long, staying shifty to save my own hide. And, as it turns out, I was doing the exact opposite of what I should have been doing. My constant dissenting on both sides, my jokes and snarkiness, my not caring what they thought of me...but, I'm the Jester. It's my job to do all of that... But. It doesn't matter anymore. They told me it was war and that you couldn't stay neutral in war. Even for those like me who would rather conscientiously object than anything. It turns out that if you don't choose sides, one is chosen for you. Or, in this case, you're Chosen for a side, heh. They Chose me to be on their side. I didn't want to be. So I'm on the run. I had my side Chosen for me.
I'm against them, and I'm against their boss. I've always been against their boss.
They may change my mind at some point, but if they do, it won't be me you'll be talking to. Remember my true allegiance, because the Doctor and Hanna may be one and the same, but neither of us are [proxy name they chose for me that I refuse to repeat because FUCK THAT SHIT].
So, I offer you some advice.
Neutrality's awesome, but not here. Not with these guys.
Pick a side. Always be indisputably on one side or the other.
Because if you don't, you may not like where you end up.
This is war.
Pick a side.
And please pick the right one.
So, being the defiant little wannabe Time Lord I am, I went out and sat around in the rain whenever it started up. I've always liked rain, it's so mesmerizing. I've just never been particularly fond of getting soaked in my clothes. Jeans and sneakers don't exactly dry well, and that's what I'm almost invariably wearing.
So I sat out there in the rain, and I'm sure I was quite a magnificent sight. A small-statured sixteen year old girl with bags under her eyes and paranoia and despair in them, in a TARDIS t-shirt and soaked to the bone sitting cross-legged on the ground or pacing about, glancing around nervously wherever she was. I probably looked like a newly stray, lost little dog - which is more or less what I am now, I guess.
It was nice. The rain, its monotonous rhythm and the cool drops on a hot day made me feel better than I have in a while, very calming. After a while though, the raindrops started to sting. It wasn't because it had started raining harder, no, it was still barely sprinkling. It was the water itself hurting me. It wasn't bad, only barely noticeable, but it means that my Sickness is getting worse. And this doesn't really bode well, given my current strategy of not getting slaughtered by Vadiir involves a lot of water. Given my condition, Grandpa can't teach me any major Theurgy, and I have yet to really figure out how to use any of his Relics to my advantage. He hasn't told me what half of them are, in any case, let alone what they do. Or which of the things in that chest are even Relics; there's a bunch of conventional weapons in there too. Knives, guns, explosives...leftovers from the Troubles, indeed.
I noticed something else, too. I don't even have a shred of neutrality left. I publicly sided with the Circle that one time, but that was just so they wouldn't break off contact. I was never on their side, I realize that now. I was always on Mark and his father's side. Moral code at work. But I had friends in that Commune...well, that's probably a charitable term. I like to think we were friends, though...but it doesn't matter anymore, does it? In any case, I tried to be neutral. In fact as well as position. I really did. I sat on a fence for so long, staying shifty to save my own hide. And, as it turns out, I was doing the exact opposite of what I should have been doing. My constant dissenting on both sides, my jokes and snarkiness, my not caring what they thought of me...but, I'm the Jester. It's my job to do all of that... But. It doesn't matter anymore. They told me it was war and that you couldn't stay neutral in war. Even for those like me who would rather conscientiously object than anything. It turns out that if you don't choose sides, one is chosen for you. Or, in this case, you're Chosen for a side, heh. They Chose me to be on their side. I didn't want to be. So I'm on the run. I had my side Chosen for me.
I'm against them, and I'm against their boss. I've always been against their boss.
They may change my mind at some point, but if they do, it won't be me you'll be talking to. Remember my true allegiance, because the Doctor and Hanna may be one and the same, but neither of us are [proxy name they chose for me that I refuse to repeat because FUCK THAT SHIT].
So, I offer you some advice.
Neutrality's awesome, but not here. Not with these guys.
Pick a side. Always be indisputably on one side or the other.
Because if you don't, you may not like where you end up.
This is war.
Pick a side.
And please pick the right one.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Current thoughts
Yeah, that song? Currently how I'm feeling, thanks to Stripey and the rest of the Shankill Butchers. (No, you're not getting a choice in being called that.) But I'm not so bad as to be at "21 Guns" though. Yet.
Oh yeah, ran into Vadiir again last night. This time I grabbed him before leaping into a river and I dragged him in with me. Turns out that water is really bad for the Chosen. It hasn't started affecting me yet, but it got to him immediately. He managed to get out of the water pretty quickly, so I'm doubting it killed him. Shame. Or not, I'm having the same conundrum the Master had when he had the Doctor in a wheelchair. YouTube search "The Master Can't Decide" if I've lost you. (The /real/ Master, by the way, the Time Lord, not some skinny bitch who thinks incorrectly that he owns my soul. Oh, new nickname? Everyone start referring to Slendy as Skinnybitch. It would certainly cheer me up.)
Also, they're gonna make me an Enforcer if they catch me. I still can't figure that one out.
So, my choices at this point are:
A) Join the Commune
B) Run forever, or until I'm 27, in constant terror and danger
C) Fight back and no doubt lose
D) Get murdered by Vadiir
E) Suicide (better to die than be killed)
F) This is all just a dream. INCEPTION.
G) Cake
H) Vote Saxon
As usual, the last three aren't really options, as much as I wish they were. But I'll eat cake and vote Saxon anyway, those dirtbags can't stop me!
...the Doctor would run until he had to fight, and Ash Williams would fight and have won in a matter of minutes, but I'm starting to grasp the differences between reality and fiction. Also, I'm neither Ash nor a Time Lord.
So, guys. What would you do?
(Oh, and Stripey? I don't really like hugs from people I /like/. And I despise you with every fiber of my being. Just keep in mind that, if you try to hug me, I will drop my moral code and stab you as many times as possible. Just so we're clear on that.)
Oh yeah, ran into Vadiir again last night. This time I grabbed him before leaping into a river and I dragged him in with me. Turns out that water is really bad for the Chosen. It hasn't started affecting me yet, but it got to him immediately. He managed to get out of the water pretty quickly, so I'm doubting it killed him. Shame. Or not, I'm having the same conundrum the Master had when he had the Doctor in a wheelchair. YouTube search "The Master Can't Decide" if I've lost you. (The /real/ Master, by the way, the Time Lord, not some skinny bitch who thinks incorrectly that he owns my soul. Oh, new nickname? Everyone start referring to Slendy as Skinnybitch. It would certainly cheer me up.)
Also, they're gonna make me an Enforcer if they catch me. I still can't figure that one out.
So, my choices at this point are:
A) Join the Commune
B) Run forever, or until I'm 27, in constant terror and danger
C) Fight back and no doubt lose
D) Get murdered by Vadiir
E) Suicide (better to die than be killed)
F) This is all just a dream. INCEPTION.
G) Cake
H) Vote Saxon
As usual, the last three aren't really options, as much as I wish they were. But I'll eat cake and vote Saxon anyway, those dirtbags can't stop me!
...the Doctor would run until he had to fight, and Ash Williams would fight and have won in a matter of minutes, but I'm starting to grasp the differences between reality and fiction. Also, I'm neither Ash nor a Time Lord.
So, guys. What would you do?
(Oh, and Stripey? I don't really like hugs from people I /like/. And I despise you with every fiber of my being. Just keep in mind that, if you try to hug me, I will drop my moral code and stab you as many times as possible. Just so we're clear on that.)
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