Down With the Sickness and Chaotic Neutrality

It rained today.  Well, that's charitable.  More like it sprinkled off and on.  Summer rains and whatnot.

So, being the defiant little wannabe Time Lord I am, I went out and sat around in the rain whenever it started up.  I've always liked rain, it's so mesmerizing.  I've just never been particularly fond of getting soaked in my clothes.  Jeans and sneakers don't exactly dry well, and that's what I'm almost invariably wearing.

So I sat out there in the rain, and I'm sure I was quite a magnificent sight.  A small-statured sixteen year old girl with bags under her eyes and paranoia and despair in them, in a TARDIS t-shirt and soaked to the bone sitting cross-legged on the ground or pacing about, glancing around nervously wherever she was.  I probably looked like a newly stray, lost little dog - which is more or less what I am now, I guess.

It was nice.  The rain, its monotonous rhythm and the cool drops on a hot day made me feel better than I have in a while, very calming.  After a while though, the raindrops started to sting.  It wasn't because it had started raining harder, no, it was still barely sprinkling.  It was the water itself hurting me.  It wasn't bad, only barely noticeable, but it means that my Sickness is getting worse.  And this doesn't really bode well, given my current strategy of not getting slaughtered by Vadiir involves a lot of water.  Given my condition, Grandpa can't teach me any major Theurgy, and I have yet to really figure out how to use any of his Relics to my advantage.  He hasn't told me what half of them are, in any case, let alone what they do.  Or which of the things in that chest are even Relics; there's a bunch of conventional weapons in there too.  Knives, guns, explosives...leftovers from the Troubles, indeed.

I noticed something else, too.  I don't even have a shred of neutrality left.  I publicly sided with the Circle that one time, but that was just so they wouldn't break off contact.  I was never on their side, I realize that now.  I was always on Mark and his father's side.  Moral code at work.  But I had friends in that Commune...well, that's probably a charitable term.  I like to think we were friends, though...but it doesn't matter anymore, does it?  In any case, I tried to be neutral.  In fact as well as position.  I really did.  I sat on a fence for so long, staying shifty to save my own hide.  And, as it turns out, I was doing the exact opposite of what I should have been doing.  My constant dissenting on both sides, my jokes and snarkiness, my not caring what they thought of me...but, I'm the Jester.  It's my job to do all of that...  But.  It doesn't matter anymore.  They told me it was war and that you couldn't stay neutral in war.  Even for those like me who would rather conscientiously object than anything.  It turns out that if you don't choose sides, one is chosen for you.  Or, in this case, you're Chosen for a side, heh.  They Chose me to be on their side.  I didn't want to be.  So I'm on the run.  I had my side Chosen for me.

I'm against them, and I'm against their boss.  I've always been against their boss.

They may change my mind at some point, but if they do, it won't be me you'll be talking to.  Remember my true allegiance, because the Doctor and Hanna may be one and the same, but neither of us are [proxy name they chose for me that I refuse to repeat because FUCK THAT SHIT].

So, I offer you some advice.

Neutrality's awesome, but not here.  Not with these guys.

Pick a side.  Always be indisputably on one side or the other.

Because if you don't, you may not like where you end up.

This is war.

Pick a side.

And please pick the right one.